Thursday, June 18, 2009

Diabetes Really Hurts

Today really sucks!!!!!

For some reason, no matter how much insulin I pump, my blood sugars won't come down. Let me explain how this feels (without getting into the damage that it's doing to my body). This high sugar makes my head feel like it's swimming in murky water. The pressure is built up behind the eyes for a stress headache and the top of my head wants to pop open. The pressure is making a slight ringing in my ears and my mouth tastes fruity. My stomach is upset like I have the flu, nausea and heartburn. I need to eat but my body is saying its not hungry, so I'm shaky because I have not eaten. I've been pricking my finger to get a drop of blood every hour since 8:00 am, my finger are sore. I feel tired even though I got enough sleep last night. I need to go for a run or ride or something but I just can't bring myself to get out, don't feel well enough for it. OK that's how I feel.

When I had cancer I would feel much worst when I would have a chemo treatment. But chemo had a beginning, a middle and an end. I would know when I was going to be sick, I could prepare for it. How sick I was going to be and when it would end. Unlike chemo, diabetes does not have a beginning middle and end, it is constant. You have it yesterday, today and tomorrow. Yesterday you felt good or at least normal. Today you feel like dirt. You may feel better when and if you get your blood sugars up or down, but your not sure when that will be. Tomorrow, no way to tell. The only thing about tomorrow that is for sure is that 'you will have diabetes.'

Because everyone knows about diabetes but no one actually 'KNOWS' about diabetes. You are expected to operate like nothing is wrong. Because everyone has a grandfather who had diabetes and he was able to do something, you with diabetes should be able to do everything. Everyone understand about being sick but know one gets being sick every moment of every day. I know I'm not alone in this, but I feel like it.

1 comment:

Herb said...

I just stumbled onto you blog. You da man! I don't have diabetes myself, but have a 22 year old son who has been diabetic for 20 years, so I know diabetes sucks. Keep running, keep surviving, and keep having fun!