My beautiful grand daughter in her Christmas best.

now to figure out how to put a workglove over this bandage.

the start of my worldwide festival of races half marathon.

view from where we're staying in Dana Point.

Failure?

How many times have you . . .

Gone for a checkup, hoping for a good A1c test, and come away disappointed, discouraged, and basically feeling like, "Why bother"?

How many times have you . . .
Miscounted the carbs in a meal, only to be shocked when your meter shows you to be at toasty 307?

How many times have you . . .
Forgotten to bolus altogether before eating, and then remembered while you were not in a position to do anything about it?

How many times have you . . .
Found yourself startled from your sleep to find yourself covered in sweat, your heart pounding, your ears ringing, barely able to think straight? Simply because you took too much insulin, or you didn't eat enough. And then found yourself 'panic-eating' yourself to a rebound that would make the NBA interested in your technique?

How many times have you . . .

Left the house without your supplies?
Been tempted by that all too familiar 'starchy-off the glycemic-index chart' munchy thing . . . and given in?
Found yourself too exhausted to exercise, or too tired to participate in an activity, only to feel like a failure?

OR [insert your own life-scenario here]

How many times? Like a failure?
You, my friend, are SO NOT a failure! Let me say that again. You DID NOT FAIL! You are human. It happens.

Everyday, you are gonna get up, and no matter what you do, stuff is gonna happen to you. Some of it may be good, some of it may even be great, and some of it may fall into that category I call 'major suckage'. What determines which category it falls into? You do.

See, you, and you alone are going to be the one who ultimately decides how you are going to view all of the things that will happen to you during your day. You, and you alone. Oh, other people will try to tell you how you should feel, and even how you should act and react to all of these things. But ultimately, it's up to you. It's that inner voice we all hear in our head all day long. Not voices, that's quite another thing. Me? I talk to all of those voices, all day long. :-)

I'm talking about your own self dialoging. My thought is this; if ultimately, you are the only one who can decide how you feel about something, that also means that you are also the only one who can and will ultimately decide if that something your inner voice is talking to you about is a failure or not! It's all about attitude! It's not about the attitude, the words, the feelings, and the 'they meant well but were SO misguided' statements of those around us. It's what you think, and what you feel about 'the stuff' that matters.

Diabetes Really Hurts

Today really sucks!!!!!

For some reason, no matter how much insulin I pump, my blood sugars won't come down. Let me explain how this feels (without getting into the damage that it's doing to my body). This high sugar makes my head feel like it's swimming in murky water. The pressure is built up behind the eyes for a stress headache and the top of my head wants to pop open. The pressure is making a slight ringing in my ears and my mouth tastes fruity. My stomach is upset like I have the flu, nausea and heartburn. I need to eat but my body is saying its not hungry, so I'm shaky because I have not eaten. I've been pricking my finger to get a drop of blood every hour since 8:00 am, my finger are sore. I feel tired even though I got enough sleep last night. I need to go for a run or ride or something but I just can't bring myself to get out, don't feel well enough for it. OK that's how I feel.

When I had cancer I would feel much worst when I would have a chemo treatment. But chemo had a beginning, a middle and an end. I would know when I was going to be sick, I could prepare for it. How sick I was going to be and when it would end. Unlike chemo, diabetes does not have a beginning middle and end, it is constant. You have it yesterday, today and tomorrow. Yesterday you felt good or at least normal. Today you feel like dirt. You may feel better when and if you get your blood sugars up or down, but your not sure when that will be. Tomorrow, no way to tell. The only thing about tomorrow that is for sure is that 'you will have diabetes.'

Because everyone knows about diabetes but no one actually 'KNOWS' about diabetes. You are expected to operate like nothing is wrong. Because everyone has a grandfather who had diabetes and he was able to do something, you with diabetes should be able to do everything. Everyone understand about being sick but know one gets being sick every moment of every day. I know I'm not alone in this, but I feel like it.

this is a double shot cappuccino. I've been wooking on the foam art.

New Running Partner

The weekend went by without a post from me. I've already broke my promise to myself. Well it's Tuesday and I'm just going to write a quick post so I don't fall too far behind.

This is the week I start training for the Long Beach Half Marathon with my daughter Virginia. She has been on top of me about this almost daily. That is a great sign. Being a coach helps me go back a relearn the basics myself. Virginia has run a couple of 5K's but nothing recently. We had a scare with her being pre-diabetic, not a great thing especially since she's only 14. The running will put that diagnosis in its place. This will also give Honey the Marathon Dog another running partner. I had to suspend my running with Honey because my mileage was getting to high for her.

This week I started working on my latest podcast episode. Dealing with diabetes is a never ending situation with constant monitoring and treatment. And I mean constant. So this show I decided to talk about taking a vacation from diabetes. So stay tuned it will be a good show.

Cappuccino Fun

I'm getting better at this. This is a floating cappuccino.

A New Episode

I just uploaded the latest episode of RunningFromDiabetes on Podbean and iTunes. I recorded during The Crazy Ass Ultra Marathon. Check out my progression into the self imposed endurance test.

Download at iTunes Podcast or Podbean Podcast.

Anything Is Possible!

I finished my 'Crazy Ass Birthday Ultra Marathon'. We all know what a terrific writer I am so the podcast will be here in a few days. 

Now we know that anything is possible with diabetes, even when the disease is at its worst. 

First of all a special thank you has to go out to Jessah my wife for being my support crew, manning the aid stations and being my personal cheerleader, I was so well taken care of. This is our race not just mine, she put in as much as I did. To Alexis and Toni for your assistance with helping your mother and being my cheering section. To my friend, Brian, for keeping my spirits up with bad jokes while you paced me for the last 13 miles. My brother Sean for calling me every 10 miles to cheer me on. And finally the twitter and facebook world, I had so many shouts of encouragement from my friends there. Every time I updated I had 5-10 people cheering me on, it was a great help. 

The 'Running From Diabetes Podcast'

As you can already tell I'm not a writer. But I can talk. I've been wanting to create a podcast that helped me journal my dealing with diabetes. So welcome to my podcast 'Running From Diabetes Podcast' http://runningfromdiabetes.podbean.com/ . I just posted my first episode. A little raw with way to much wind noise but we all have to start someplace. 

I hope this podcast inspires others with diabetes that anything is possible. I know it is for me doing these endurance sports.

Just a little fun.

A almost great cappuccino from my new machine. Getting better at this.

A New Step Forward

After several months of not posting I decided that I needed to get back to what I considered personal therapy. I needed to post to this blog and in the near future create a podcast about why I running from diabetes. I needed to tell no one and everyone how I'm dealing with my diabetes. I hope that this account gives others, in the same situation, the idea that anything is possible even when the disease and its complications are at their worst. 

This week I've spend the majority of it in a funk. That's the best way I could explain it. It's not the severe depression I suffered several months ago but definitely a milder case. I've been unable to complete my to do lists and really have felt out of sort. I now believe that depression is one of the most insidious conditions one can suffer because it seems to have no cause and no easy cure. Unfortunately it is a major problem for us diabetics. I will keep you updated on my progress.

This week my sugars have been terrific (go figure). According to my pumps memory I've been averaging 119 with only one high above 180 and some moderate lows in the 70's but nothing lower. 

I ran my long run on Saturday of 22 miles. I was unable to get the scheduled 25 done but I'll live with 22. Especially since the week before I did a marathon. I took 3 days rest and ran 4mi on Wednesday and 5 on Thursday. Today is a rest day, I wanted to go for a bike ride but have been unable to get motivated. This weekend I'm scheduled to do at 15mi run on Saturday and a 10mi run on Sunday. We'll see. I feel very positive about my "Crazy Ass Birthday Ultra" (running my age in miles, 43, on my birthday) as of today. And the family, especially Jessah, is really getting into the support job they will play.

My birthday present came in last night and I just love it. A new Espresso Machine. It really lifted my spirits. Funny thing is I enjoyed going to Toni's track meet and going to Virginia's choir competition much more. Everyone talks about the benefits of parenthood and how most have no material base. Good thing I have many children.

I just wanted to throw out an update today, more like a journal than anything. Please keep an eye out for my podcast, I'm much better at talking then I am at writing. 

If you have any suggestions about my low motivation please send them over my way, I would much appreciate it.

Uploaded - 3\28\09

Finally

The finished product. The big stuff goes up with lots of huffing and puffing but never shows. It's the detail that is easy, muscle wise, but shows to everyone so it takes lots of time.

My training hasn't gone as well. I'm having a motivation problem and can't seem to get myself out the door for my runs. I got a few in but I procrastinate and when I do get out my mind tells me to cut it short even after mile 4. I would take a break and switch to cycling but I have a marathon in 6 weeks. Will keep you updated.

The blood sugars have been terrific. Since I've been home I've only gone to a fast-food place a couple times and my dinners have been healthy works of art. The diabetes doc emailed and wants me to wear a sensor for a week that tests my blood sugar several times a minute. I would love to have one of these full time but the insurance only pays if very severe conditions exist, maybe some day. 

Well off for my long run. You can tell my motivation that I'm updating my blog instead of running.

My parents birthday dinner.

My mothers favorite is gumbo So my kids decorated Mardi Gras style. I'm making fried catfish, gumbo, fried okra, and king cake.

My run today was very hard but I got through the 12 miles.

I've been building a sundeck all week and running. Lots of activity has kept my blood sugars low and quite a few lows. But my body is super tired and sore. Funny thing is I've gain 4 lbs, not lost any weight. I hope it's new muscle.

Windows and slider

We got the windows and sliding glass door in today. A lot of water proofing. Interesting day for the diabetes. I had 3 saperate lows, not fun. I guess it's this type of heavy lifting work and running 5 miles in the morning and another 5 at night. Physical activity is the key to keeping sugars low.

The sundeck.

I've been working on a new sundeck for Jessah's parents the last 2 weeks (minus a camping trip). Looks pretty good.

Licking the San-O boobs.

Thought you would get a kick out of this. Jessah's idea.

Camping at the beach

My friend & I.

Campground.

Time away from it all. Just a couple days with no kids, no work, nothing but time with the Mrs and the ocean. We did bring the dog. She had a great time on the beach and chasing rabbits.

The best cookbook

The best cookbook I own, and I own many. You can tell how much I use it, it's completely falling apart. I have tried most of the recipes and use it all the time for ideas.

My son's family.

My son leaves for Iraq tomorrow. Not sure what my emotions are telling me, but I do know I'm scared. All the bad things that can happen to him. I am putting my trust in God. Fair winds and following seas my son.

Posted with LifeCast